• #4 - Seppo Franson


    He's American, and you know they invented the game, so quite clearly he's awesome. From the great basketballing state of Wisconsin, his b'ball pedigree is second to none. Well, second to none in our team anyway. He also likes science stuff and believes he will live forever, which is why he has so much time to practice his jump shot. He can hit them from anywhere, so watch his points tally rise through the season.

  • #6 - Yadsy Liquorland


    Yadsy has the most ginger beard in the team, and he's the second most robotic. He has been playing basketball for almost 15 years straight, with only a short 13 year absence from the game due to lack of ability. His triumphant return to the game last season, saw him get heaps of fouls, but not that many points. His horizontal growth spurt since his discovery of beer should help him get some rebounds this season.

  • #7 - Mark D-fence-onaldson


    Mark is the Swamp Donkeys department of defence. He's tough on the ball, and even tougher on D. His finest attribute is his ability to tie up the opposition in endless piles of paperwork, shuffling their team movements around at will, ensuring that nothing will ever pass through his ironclad red tape. Be sure to look out for his sub-atomic missile this season.

  • #8 - Robo Steve


    Robo is part man, part machine, and also happens to have the second most ginger beard on the team. Despite his robotic name, and nature, he has the most free flowing hook shot seen this side of the Equator. Watch for him to swoop over the defence, and drop his H-bomb at least once a game. And you know what? It will probably go in. But, he is a massive bastard. And he cheats when he does spreadsheets. He's a cheating bastard. And also, he pretends to pass the ball, but it always goes to Illawarra's feet.

  • #15 - Ben (D) Onaldson


    Bend it like Donaldson, that'd be the title if they made a movie about a young Australian girl who wanted to play basketball like this guy. He has a tendency to take it down the baseline and bend it around the backboard. Sure it's an extremely tough shot to make, and he probably misses more than he would if he just took a normal jump shot... But this is show time people. He's here to entertain!

  • #22 - Illawarra Hawke


    Illawarra is as hard as steel, which is apt seeing as though he is named after the steel producing town of the same name. His ability to reduce the carbon content in iron ore through the Linz-Donawitz-Verfahren process allows him to pull down a bucket load of boards. He also uses his beach muscles to attract the ladies. And I believe that works for him from time to time. He's the most likely to score on and off the court.

  • #51 - Benny the Kid


    Being young, Benny the kid loves to shoot hoops. However, he's quick on the draw and he doesn't always shoot that accurately... Often, this results in a disappointed hoop. Still, he's shooting the ball, and that's what's important. If you shoot enough, you're bound to get one in eventually. He particularly likes to shoot free throws.